the socialest party

The impassioned tangents of a gay fish in a small pond.
Real lesbians don’t finger-fuck each other with acrylic nails on. That’s terrifying. Epic fail, world of internet porn.Via someecards

Real lesbians don’t finger-fuck each other with acrylic nails on. That’s terrifying. Epic fail, world of internet porn.

Via someecards

Still loving it.

Still loving it.

Can’t we all just use the same shampoo?

Can’t we all just use the same shampoo?

Is it just me or do I look like the dark-sided shadow version of Yolandi?

Is it just me or do I look like the dark-sided shadow version of Yolandi?

More like purple mountains atrophy and amber waves of hepatitis strain.

More like purple mountains atrophy and amber waves of hepatitis strain.

Nothing gayer than granola in the morning. Unless, of course, it evokes the images of lesbian mothers going at it in a breakfast nook.

Nothing gayer than granola in the morning. Unless, of course, it evokes the images of lesbian mothers going at it in a breakfast nook.

This is what a post-apocalyptic CVS will look like.

This is what a post-apocalyptic CVS will look like.

$he’ll never forget this day, but I already have.

$he’ll never forget this day, but I already have.

Excuse me, what aisle is the indifference in? I need it to be as vague as humanly possible.

Excuse me, what aisle is the indifference in? I need it to be as vague as humanly possible.

On a day like today that resembles Seattle in April of 1993, I prefer sunshine in the form of LEGGGGSSSSSS!!! Don’t look too long, you WILL get burned. Try some SPF 69.

On a day like today that resembles Seattle in April of 1993, I prefer sunshine in the form of LEGGGGSSSSSS!!! Don’t look too long, you WILL get burned. Try some SPF 69.

One time Jack McBrayer met me. What an awesome day for him.

One time Jack McBrayer met me. What an awesome day for him.

C.R.E.A.M.

The best things in life are free, like the smile from a pretty girl. like STDs.

Actually, I might go so far as to say that nothing is free…especially the best things. I think about the feeling of just being in my mid-twenties, breathing in the crisp air straight off the lake that seems to crystallise in your lungs, and what it has cost me to be here right now and have the ability to appreciate it. That was not free. We pay for things with promises, we pay for them emotionally, learning cliche lessons in our pursuit for adulthood, we pay with our time. It’s interesting to me, this balance of time & money wherein lies just one of many keys to happiness ranging anywhere from molecular to unabridged.

One of my favorite things to do is spontaneously decide to see a movie in a theatre. Picking the right seat like a dog looking for a tree to piss on (11th row center…WOOF), the tacit unanimity that talking=bad, the flicker of the silver screen as the lights are lowered and the previews begin… previews that are universally intolerable in DVD form, but for some reason in an actual theatre they are prized bits of fleeting art. That experience is something Netflix will never supply me with, there is no comparison. Netflix is the girl you met at John Barleycorn’s just before bar close and a genuine movie theatre is the one you want to have children with. But even that will cost you a little bit of green, and when you’re employed it’s really no big deal. Twenty dollars is nothing; a cab ride home, a few beers, a 7 day CTA pass. It’s finding the time to relax, that’s the real cost.

On the flip-side, when you don’t have a job you have all the time in the world. So much time, in fact, that after the initial glee of not having to work wears off you’ll find the days of the week becoming inbred. There is no Monday. There is only Sathursnesday, and unless you have some stockpile of drug money (or regular money) set aside for your mental staycation, you’re going to rapidly (or rabidly)deplete whatever funds ever existed in the first place. That shit will be gone faster than a family-sized portion of Paneer Makhani that’s unfortunate enough to be placed in front of me on feeding day. (see: Sathursnesday)

When we have the time, the money is usually scarce. When the money is not in question, it’s because we’re working 6 days a week to make it so. How do we keep one foot on each side of the Libra scale to maintain a healthy bank account and a prosperous social life with ‘me-time’ to spare? (Epiphany!) I’m beginning to think it might have something to do with having more than one job and waking up before noon, running on little to no sleep.

Money is only important because it’s instrumental to getting the things we want, it isn’t what we actually want. It isn’t stacks of cash that kiss your shoulders when you’re sleeping and it definitely isn’t a paycheck that can hold you and make you feel like you’re falling. That’s real life and real love, and no salary on Earth will ever be able to buy that feeling.

A wise man I know once said, “Once you’ve kicked the bucket, it’s not how much you’ve earned or how much you’ve spent.”.  Or something like that, either way that man has it figured out. Big time. Basically, Elia Einhorn is my hero.

That makes China & I the same age… Man, they are waaaaay ahead of me. I just started doing my own dishes this year.

That makes China & I the same age… Man, they are waaaaay ahead of me. I just started doing my own dishes this year.

Go to college. All of you.

Go to college. All of you.

This Dentist’s office is clearly a front for Aryan Ex-Gays.

This Dentist’s office is clearly a front for Aryan Ex-Gays.